Classic Missy in a suit. Oh yes. Doesn't a Missy collabo just make everything better?

Seems to me like there are some dance routines that are basic to our experience as schoolchildren. First we learn little things like ring-around-the-rosy (morbid, much?), then it's the hokey pokey, then it's square or line dancing (at least, that's what happened at Fairfield Elementary), and so on and so forth, until finally we enter the realm of school dances.

School dances in Virginia Beach are nothing like what I keep seeing in movies or on the TV. We didn't have punch bowls or a live band. I already did a short bit about school dances though, so I'll keep moving. Anyway, no school dance would be complete without a DJ to play all the greatest group dance hits - the Chicken Dance, the Electric Slide, YMCA, the Cha-Cha Slide, or the Macarena.

If you don't know the Macarena dance for who-knows-what reason, there's even an instructional video on it, complete with children who shouldn't be shaking their hips:



Now for the full song, so you can put your newly acquired dancing skills to the test:



I was going to find the rest of those dances, but I've gotta get back to work for now. Maybe next time I feel like you need a little torture. I'm sure you're already cursing me for the Macarena.

According to Wikipedia, Jon B. comes from a musical family, like the way Mozart came from a musical family.

Oops, sorry. I'm not supposed to bring my current real life into this blog. Carry on!

Maybe it wasn't really the start of the Latin invasion, but it was definitely a sign of things to come. Happy Cinco de Mayo!

If you're a girl, that is. Virginia Beach is Recession-Resistant.

Lexicon: Squid.

Pronunciation: skwihd'
noun
1. any of an order (Teuthoidea) of cephalopods having eight short arms and two usually longer tentacles, a long tapered body, a caudal fin on each side, and usually a slender internal chitinous support
2. a male sailor, usually under the age of 30, who frequents fast-food restaurants near any of the Hampton Roads military bases that are also located near high schools between the hours of 2pm and 4pm to pick up unsuspecting young girls.

And now for a rock break.

All together now: a la la la la long, a la la la la long long li long long long!

REGULATORS!!!!

Like many fashion crazes, I'm almost completely sure that this one began as a way to conceal illicit behavior. How could someone wearing pants that wide NOT be up to something totally shady? Also, I think my little sister has the dresser in the background.

Back when these pants were popular, in the second half of the 90s, 20/20 did a special report on Latino gangs in Southern California. Out there, the girls wore their pants so wide that they STAPLED them to their SHOES to prevent EXCESSIVE MOVEMENT. So innovative.

All you need to complete this outfit is an oversized polo shirt and a Nautica or Tommy Hilfiger boating jacket.

It doesn't matter if you've never set foot on a seafaring vessel, or that the jackets are not suitable for any temperatures below 50 degrees. Just focus on how awesome you look. Full disclosure: I owned the red one in 7th grade.

ExCUSE me, Mr. Officer! Nahhhh na-na-na-nahhh na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na, na-na-na-nahhhhh.